Wednesday, September 29, 2010

First her then her

My day was thick-skinned.

Explain why?
I felt so relax and light the whole day that I thought office was my home.  I hummed almost the whole day more than a bird.  I skipped around, and around.  I drank a lot of milk that my boss made, even tricked him into mixing his with chocolate.  I went home for lunch for like an hour, my boss told me to 'take my time', though.  I took silly pictures with my colleague when we had nothing to do, at work.  I'm so grateful with my life and for who I am.  I love my life! Any thick-skinned experience lately, girls?

A thought that scares me to death?
Losing all my teeth at once, heheh!  I know it does not make any sense in the possibility of happening, but it creeps me out just by imagining it!  What's yours?

During a conflict:
I usually attack my rival until I'm all right and he/she (mostly he, I'm weak with girls) admits that I win.  What a bad ride.

A melody can totally put me in a sentimental mood.  I do a lot of 'Oh my God, that song is so my life!' then I will memorize the entire lyrics.

The weather was amazingly nice, this picture was untouched!

Monkey belongs in the jungle

Monday, September 27, 2010

She skips around the city

According to an article I just read, generally a person is said to be a 'blogger' if he/she makes at least 3-4 posts a week.  I made 2 at most and sometimes only 1 in a week.  I failed terribly to consider myself as a blogger based on that article.  But I love blogging, and writing!

So my New York City weekend was one of the most awkward I could think of, but I still manage to enjoy myself in my little awkward world.  Sometimes I wonder why I'm always having such hard time bonding with girls?  I almost bailed on this 'girls night out' weekend until the birthday girl told me that it's really important to her for me to be there.  Any tips about this issue?

I was actually nervous about all these situations like what I should say when these girls share stories about guys, family, celebrities, or during the 'outfit parade'.  I was afraid I may say something that would hurt their feelings.  So most of the time, I just sat there, nodding and smiling.  Is it weird that I was always the first one that got dressed, fastest at the shower, or using the mirror for make up?

Then they had all these plans about the night club.  I didn't really like the idea at first, being the old fashioned I am.  But I thought why not, it's not like I'm going to die there or something.  It turned out not so bad.  I actually enjoyed watching people getting kicked out for presenting fake IDs, overly dressed girls being hit by overly dressed guy.  I supposed I looked pretty decent because guys that came to me looking pretty decent too, until these 2 guys forced himself to sit with us, then we got stuck with them for the rest of the night.  My friends exchanged phone numbers with some guys but I decided to just leave them with my email address (received 2 emails so far, but no plan on replying).  Any interesting night club story to share?

Enough with my craps, here are some pictures to share.

 We had lunch at Junior's across the street from our hotel (Marriott Marquis).  Kudos for their heavenly made cheesecake.

The view from our hotel room at night.  I felt so touristy.  Heheh!

The super M&M store, so colorful and such a candy land!  I could just run around and throw myself among them (luckily I didn't, the security guy was thrice my size).

I really like the cartoon painting on these billboards!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Life is comfortable

My yesterday was a VOLCANO, my today was a FOUNTAIN.

Explain why?
Yesterday: I got sick. My head was spinning, feeling hot and cold all morning.  Then my phone rang.  It was him, waking me up to a realization.  All these times I only cared about myself, how I felt.  What about the part where I caused him many troubles?  Or hurting him with my carelessness?  And he always told me that it was not my fault, and I believed in his words.  My fever got higher with all my thinkings, decided to leave work early.  I wanted to talk to him, I needed to talk to him.  But it was too late, it was unforgivable.  I cried my eyes out until I fell asleep.  Ate a little bit and slept.  Ate another bit and slept. Slept.
Today: I woke up feeling all different.  I felt fine, good.  My fever was gone.  I could actually think clearly.  Maybe he did the right thing, if we did talk again yesterday, we may go back to that painful spot again.  As bad as I felt, I realized I could not turn back time.  I decided to keep on moving and see it as a lesson. I also got all cheered up looking at my wardrobe, fall is here, I'm ready for more layer outfits! And I'll be hanging out the entire weekend in New York City again for my friend's birthday!

I'm too realistic about others' involvement in my life.  I've been so careful my whole life.  To not get too involved with anyone.  I'll always be the one that know what is best for me.  And I'm not proud of it.  I really think that being able to share, to let out our feeling, is a lot better.  He taught me that.

I think people like changes because it's human nature to always have hopes, and people always hope that a change will lead them to a better, happier life.

I also think that pessimistic unhappy people may end up having nothing.  Because dreams only come true with optimistic, happy and positive mind.  And a smile is the secret weapon.  "Smile, no matter how bad it is, it will get better, you will feel better, I promise," like he used to say.

Dress is from ModCloth, red tote by Vieta from Beyond the Rack, shoes from Zara

Monday, September 20, 2010

Do what you can do

My weekend was a HUGE BONUS.

Explain why?
The weather was surprisingly NICE, we called it the last official weekend of 2010 Summer.  I was all happy and couldn't be any happier.  Went to Belmar beach on Saturday, there was a female surfer pro contest going on.  Although we got there late, but we still got to watch a little show of people surfing, so we hung out there for a little bit.  One of the benefits living here is also that we have quite a few beaches around.  And I actually wore the same outfit for 2 days!  I ADORE my red dress, it is so light and comfortable, I just didn't want to take it off, heheh!  Dirty girl.  Went to New York City AGAIN on Sunday.  There was this festival called San Gennaro Festival in Little Italy.  So many people were there!  Despite the fact that I dislike being in a crowd, I couldn't say no to good food.  What a weakness.  Then end the night watching Catfish at Loews Lincoln Square 13.  Does this movie play in your country or area?  I would highly recommend it.  It's so witty, touchy, unpredictable, a combination of feelings that I can't really find in other movies.  Okay, not going to spoil it with my random rating.

I have not done everything I ever wanted.  This universe is enormous!  The list of what I want to have, see, experience, is getting longer each day.  Fortunately, I have the time to make each of them come true.  Then, now, tomorrows (:

I thinks business.  Is manipulative.  Plays all or nothing.  Fastens your seatbelts.  It's been a long day.
I think adventure.  Loves company.  Involves a certain risk.  Ignores backseat drivers.  Is on its way (can't wait!).

I may have a phobia with little kids, I could hang out with them for a little while, but once they start the screaming or crying, I freak out more than their screaming or crying.  But one thing I learn about them is that, their sincere innocent smiles could bring a very warm feeling to my heart, like I could just smile my brain out in the most childish way.  Foolishly feeling like a newborn.

Got this dress few weeks ago from Twitch Vintage.  The owner, Robyn, is one fine lady!  She always got absolute fine pieces in her store.  Got the jacket for more than a year, couldn't recall from where.

The sky was so pretty that I didn't have to do much touching to these pictures.  They were captured by my sister.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

You cannot often bite a dog

My day was SWEET.

Explain why?
I know I'm doing great, just have to stay happy and strong, to remain optimistic and positive.  I tried to focus and pay additional attention on my surroundings, there are so many things to appreciate and smile at.  My funny family and friends who are always there, my nice boss, random people at the stores and restaurants, even my annoying colleague (who talked like A LOT, that it was hard to think him as a guy sometimes, so I blocked his voice with my iPod most of the time and just smiled, which he interpreted as 'making fun' of me. Sometimes I did feel bad and a little sorry for him).  The only thing that is kind of hard to accept is that summer has really stepped out of the house, fall is definitely here, it's been so chilly!  I miss outdoor activities already, but the good part is that TV shows have started to return (although it's hard to let go of True Blood and Entourage, any of you like these shows?).  And I got to play Wii more often!  I could not complain! (:

Right now I prefer time for myself.

Benefits of getting old:
Mercy, at last.  Brutal honesty.  Comfort becoming a priority.  The right of refusal.  Kidding around with the kids.  More time for... ANYTHING!  Being entitled to kindness.  Peace of mind.

If I leave my house right now,
I would like to run into my big brother.  He is actually my aunt's son.  But since he is the youngest in his family and I'm the eldest, we just bond in a very awesome brother-sister relationship.  He just turned 31 couple months back, old enough to spoil me the way my daddy couldn't.  But too bad he is 10,000 miles away from me.

Got the dress from ModCloth.  Own the hair pin for quite sometime, couldn't remember.

This is what I actually wanted to say on his Birthday, I wanted to sing.
"I wish you bluebirds in the spring, to give your heart a song to sing.  And then a kiss, but more than this, I wish you love.  And in July a lemonade, to cool you in some leafy glade.  I wish you health, but more than wealth, I wish you love.  My breaking heart and I agree, that you and I could never be.  So with my best, my very best, I set you free.  I wish you shelter from the storm, a cozy fire to keep you warm.  But most of all when snowflakes fall, I wish you love."

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Sharing it and bearing it

My day was artificial.

Explain why?
Blocking something that has stayed in our mind for so long is never easy, it could just instantly pop up in the middle of an activity.  The barrier is unexplainable.  The effort is unspeakable.  Ridiculously hard and no fun.  Any tips?

I am good to go.  But to really willingly leave is so hard.  Especially when the temptation is there.  Not literally.

I think people who are afraid of heights may also share this characteristic: 
Emotionally disturbing or easily distressing.

What is so scary about snakes, spiders and such?
They are poisonous.  And the poison may lead to your death.

The naked truth.  The only thing we share.

Marshmallows should always be grilled.  It completes the perfection in the taste.  Story of a picky girl.

My Saturday was fine.  I was supposed to go for Dim Sum with some guy but he couldn't wake up on time.  So we went to a charity garage sale instead, but it was finished when we got there.  We decided to grab some bites at Friendly's, I was all happy because the Oreo fudge dessert was so yummy.  Then we went to grocery shopping, checking out pets at Pet Co (which made me want a puppy even more), checking out Wii Fit at sports Authority, went back to his place to watch TV, and ended the night dining at Charlie Brown's Steakhouse with a long talk.  It was not the best but I would not complain.

CAUTION! The following post is going to be extremely dramatic and may freak you out due to its level of sappiness.  Don’t read to avoid any occurrence of sickness and disgust.

I made a promise to myself; last Friday night would be the last time I cried because of him. Then I realized I could be such a girl as well. I had been living in this character ever since I knew about feeling and relationship, I chose to never get too emotionally involved, was raised and taught to never depend on anyone, and definitely not girlfriend material.  I had been told repeatedly for being cold and slightly heartless.  Then I got to know him, in which I learned the entire different side of me, that I can be soft, a little spoilt, lovely, cute, silly, dependent, sincerely caring, comfortably and easily sharing my everyday life, thoughts, troubles, to truly listen to someone, to know that it is not necessary to be strong at all time, to respect someone that way, to enjoy the feeling of having someone to tell me that everything will be fine, where I was able to smile my heart and brain out when we had those long phone calls giggling about everything, people we know, things around us, his witty cynical jokes, and all those deep thoughts when we hit the more serious subjects.

5 months ago, he told me that he couldn't do all those stuff with me anymore. I'm just glad that I was not, and still not, the type that was selfish and pathetic enough to beg him to stay. I told him that I understood, it hurt me even more seeing him suffering that way, the guilt he felt because of my existence in his life.  I cried that night and the next day onward I blocked myself to feel or think of anything that had to do with him. I got myself so busy with thesis, work, or just being out there with people. Surprisingly it worked. I was still that happy girl that everybody knew, I kept everything to myself, and nobody needed to know.  Days passed by, 3 months later I finished my thesis on time with pretty much satisfying result, I graduated with a GPA of 3.85.  I incidentally recalled those days when he was there to support me; I got over it by telling myself that I made it even without him!  I did meet some guys here and there, we hanged out frequently but that was about it.  I knew that I will know it when it is right, when I feel right about someone, in which I felt none from them.

Then I took sometime off and went traveling with my mom, I got even busier with traveling upon my mom's visit and graduation preparation. A month later my mom left for home. I woke up in the middle of one night, from a dream about him, where I kept waiting for him but he never showed up, and this song that I barely knew and didn't even like by Colbie Cailatt with the line 'I miss everything about you' was playing repeatedly in the background.  I couldn't get back to sleep after that, I was so into this song called 'over and over' by Rachael Yamagata at that time, the song was about how she thought she was okay and just fine until she woke up one night, where there was nothing to get her back to sleep or take him off her mind.  How epic was that? I decided to email him and told him that I didn't expect him to reply.  I was totally aware that things would never be the same for us anymore.

Eventually he contacted me back, we started to talk again, but I know how he tried to limit things up, to not get too involved this time.  I kept telling myself that I could do this, it had been long enough and I survived.  I wanted us to remain friends; I wanted to help him all I can, anytime.  But in the end I failed terribly.  I couldn't do it; I care too much for him.  But once again I was grateful for the person I am.  That each time when he came back to my life all he wanted and left when he didn't feel right, I didn't do any crazy stuff, even though I was really mad at first, I wanted to yell and ask him if he had a radar or something, that each time when he saw that I may be over it and move on, that was the time he decided to make his come back and shit all over the place again.  I was sorry, he was sorry; we went back to the part where we wanted to take the blame by ourselves.  Then I realized it was nobody’s fault, it was just feeling, all these feelings I have for him, that make me feel all these craps.

Here I am, sitting on some other guy's coach typing  on my iPad my last thought about a very normal, but exceptionally special to me, guy that I used to call 'Monsieur', and I surprisingly like it when he used to call me 'sweetie pie' despite the fact that I used to dislike nickname calling.  And when a very ridiculous 5 minutes advertisement about an anti acne product from a foreign channel played on this other guy's TV, I was allowing myself to think of him and how he usually cracked me up about these kind of stuff for the last time.  But I'm not afraid to feel this way again, and I'm sure I will meet someone that I will feel this way with.  From today onward I will start blocking any feeling or thought I have for him.

I wish him the happiest he can be and I will do the same for myself.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

She smiles all her brains out on a good day

My day was 'homemade'.

Explain why?
I noticed most of stuff I did today were done with my own hands and indoor (office, home).  I actually acted as the technical support at work and it went good.  I did meat, mushroom, and onion cutting and slicing in the kitchen without harming anything or anyone.  I measured the clothes that my sister and I wanted to sell, and I did the layout design as well (image above is our logo).  I wished for extra 2 more hours for everyday, 24 hours is just not enough!  I need to clean my room but couldn't find the time, it has been almost 3 weeks.

I prefer and love heavy rain.  It is always so loud and windy that it feels like all my troubles could just be brushed away.  And I love the smell of rain, it makes me happy (:

Least favorite at the moment:
Having too many options (I'm greedy, it's hard to choose, I need to have it all).

If I have a chance to travel now:
I will go to Bali, Indonesia again.  One of the nicest island (especially the beach) I have ever been to.

Surprise surprise, an ex boyfriend from 2006 (I believe) 'like' my Facebook status yesterday (I 'friended' him first).  He stopped talking to me ever since I rejected to get back together few weeks after we broke up.  I'm so happy to realize that even little thing like this in life could get me excited, definitely don't like to leave anyone in the dark.

Monday, September 6, 2010

The ideal is provocative

Saturday was windy, in a really nice way (at least to me).  So I decided to go to New York City again.  My plan was just to walk around upper west side, read at Central Park, visit some museum, and dinner at a French restaurant (plan changed, my friend was in the mood for pecking style roast duck so we took a cab to Chinatown).

As for my lost Blackberry, I couldn't find it.  Lesson's learned.  I promise myself I will be less clumsy next time.  The bright side was, after making several phone calls, my provider agreed to credit back $100 to my account, and another $100 rebate is on its way.  I have ordered a Blackberry Tour as replacement.

Riverside Drive (79th Street, residential area)

American Museum of Natural History (Central Park West at 79th Street, New York, NY, 10024)
Only stayed for 15 minutes, didn't realize that they close at 5.45 PM.

Central Park

Pecking Duck House (28 Mott Street, New York, NY, 10013)
They have another location in Midtown (between 2nd & 3rd Avenue) but my friend wanted to find a bargainable Elmo t-shirt for her niece.  I would say their pecking duck is one of the best I've ever tasted, and it costs only $43 per duck!  The meat was so tender and the skin is crispy in a perfect way.  Heaven! (:

Found this hand painted mask for $10 while we were strolling around Chinatown Mott Street, forced myself into some bargaining (which I despised), ended up paying $9.  I think it's really pretty though.

My Sunday was someone else's.

Explain why?
For the first time after a very long time (ever since the day I started my thesis, which was last April, I lost my I-deserve-to-be-lazy day).  I got to stay at home the whole day, woke up late, continued reading 'Something Blue', made my own tapioca slush with as much whipped cream as I wanted, watched True Blood, Entourage, and the Golden Girls, Internet browsing as long as I want, and did my laundry which was left behind for 2 goddamn weeks.  It felt like today belonged to someone else, yet it felt GOOD!

Who gives me the right advice?
None from today.  But I did always welcome inputs from people every now and then.  The rest, such as decision making, I left it to my own logic and judgement, to decide what is right or wrong, and what action to take.

If I could elect my best physical feature:
I go with my shoulders, I used to swim a lot and still perform regular work out.

What is not yet finished?
I tried to finish all of my personal chores I could think of before the weekend, unless there's any that I have forgotten.

My heart status:
It's beating just fine.  Not everyone may buy it (actually very least could understand).  I'm not in love, need a break, or in love.  This is not my concern, at least for now.  I'm at the stage of life where it feels like everyday is an excitement, where there's always something to discover, to look forward.  I do care a lot about certain people, but I really don't expect or want anything out of it.
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Head to Heart by Sanny is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License